he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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