I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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