and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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