can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
