I got chris browned last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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