the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
