i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
