Can i not drive my cunt home
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
