Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
