This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
