Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Drake has all the answers
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
