He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
