Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
