So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
