I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
do herpes really smell.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
