Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
