You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
