Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
