First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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