bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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