Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
