Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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