Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
