I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
