ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he fucked my hip out of place.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
