How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
