I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
