You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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