??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Farmville is her only friend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
