you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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