You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
