2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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