How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
