I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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