u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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