Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
