the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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