This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
