I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
