i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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