Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
