I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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