Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need water and some morals
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
