I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
