is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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