She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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