I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
