What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
