The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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