i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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