Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
